I am being torn between two equally strong emotions. Or perhaps, rather, a strong emotion of what I feel like doing, as opposed to what I know I need to be doing. I love my girlfriend. I have strong feelings for her, emotions born out of investment and a close physical relationship, of her unending love for me and my care for her, she being the cuddly little creature that she is.
But that life is simple. It's boring. I am bored of it, of the safety and sureness and the lack of drive and desire to improve. It's not that there is something wrong with her - which makes the whole matter so much more hard to deal with - on the contrary, she is so loving, and so caring, and so devoted. No, it's the very fact of having a steady relationship. It's not stimulating my imagination, it's not pushing me forward in my chosen lifestyle of self-improvement.
It leeches away precious time from me, time I could be doing useful, productive things, or be with my friends, who are closer than brothers to me. My brethren in spirit. It is practically time wasted, though it's somewhat strange to look at it that way.
These are the moments of love and comfort and passionate intimacy, those which can only be shared with a girlfriend like her.
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
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